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Ann's Story I much like many people I know get nervous in public situations. The only difference is that I'm not really that nervous of speaking in front of people yet that they will look at me and think differently of my extreme blushing. Ever since I can remember my blushing has been a major problem to me, not so much to other people. Other people think I'm nervous and usually feel bad for me for having to speak in front of others. When most people think of blushing they think of rosy cheeks or something cute. This is not the case; my blushing is more like extreme red blotches that cover wherever uncovered skin is. I've tried wearing clothing that covers most of my body but some exposed skin always turns red. When this reaction happens I also get the feeling of being anxious and that I need to escape whatever situation I might be in. Once I remove myself from the situation the blotches usually disappear within one hour. To some people this might not seem like such a big deal but to me it effects what courses I take in University, what groups of people I talk to and what boys I get interested in. Even though I'm quite outgoing and some might even say an extravert, this is a problem that I can't seem to shake. I've been to my doctor who has me going to a therapist specializing in this type of SA. I hope that in the near future that I will be able to reflect the happiness I have on the inside outwards! This is something that needs to be talked about and cannot be done alone! Ann B. Sue's Story My first strong memory of a blushing attack was at school. It was a big shock to be told in class that I had to stand for one minute and talk in front of the class. I did not expect to go bright red but I did. From then on I was aware of the awful feeling it created and time after time the blushing happened. Although 90% of people do not comment on it, the 10% that do, is all that you remember. One of the worst reactions I got was from a tutor in high school. Her words have been engraved in my head. " Do you have to go red every-time I ask you a question?" It is understandable why a complex can develop. I suppose I lived with the problem for many years, feeling unable to discuss it with anyone for fear of ridicule. I basically felt inferior and therefore did not deal with it, as maybe I should have done. I think that there comes a point in life when enough is enough. I reached that about a year ago. I realised that unless I tried to help myself, this problem was not going to go away. The blushing is not simply a performance anxiety; it can happen any place any time and anywhere. Of course as fellow blushers know, it is the fear of the blush that induces it. If only the fear would go. One of the worst things is isolation, which is why social anxiety organisations are worth their weight in gold. So far I have tried mild anti- depressants (setraline) which did work but I took short term because I wanted to tackle the problem myself. I have also tried C.B.T (cognitive behavioural therapy) which helped some. Other tactics are cutting down stimulants and generally looking after myself. One thing for sure is I am a lot better than in my teenage years. Unfortunately there does not seem to be any quick fix but support from others and increased awareness is the way to think more positively. Best Wishes, Sue Pipi's Story I'm 20 years old and an accounting student at university, I have and always been until I got SAD a very confident popular and very sociable person..I loved socialising and talking to absolutely anyone...I didn't care who as I just loved talking! I used to be thrown out of my classes at school sometimes coz I would be talking too much or too loudly and often had to be moved to sit by myself so I wouldn't be tempted to talk..but I still did normally shout across to someone over on the other side of the room...Then I went to university and for the first 4 months or so I was exactly the same and probably intimidated a lot of people. I made A LOT of mates in those first few months and everyone knew me as a friendly but very loud girl! Then I went home at Christmas and felt a little bit uncomfortable being around some of my mates at home who I hadn't seen in a while...I wasn't worrying about going red at the time until I was sitting on the train with my old mates in a big group and then all the lads we knew got on the train, one of which was a bloke I had fancied for ages and used to pull.. Everyone knew what had gone on between us and I hadn't seen him in ages.. He came over to talk to me but we were sitting in a group so he just spoke to me but everyone else went quiet and looked at me...I wasn't that aware I was blushing at the time but I knew I hadn't behaved how I would have liked to and then he left and went to talk to someone else.. My friend (who also fancied him and was jealous of me for pullin him) seemed pleased to tell me that I had gone really red..That made me feel really bad and I found it hard to talk to him later that evening (although I pulled him again!) in the pub...I didn't worry about going red when talking to anyone else it was just him...so at first I just thought about how awful it had been and how I was never going to be able to talk to him again.. Then I started to panic whenever I spoke to people I knew that I thought it was important for me to act in the best possible way without blushing..but then I found I did...I don't know if I actually go bright red..I just feel like I do and then I clam up and can't talk, although I probably want to as I've got tons to say! I felt I then got better over summer as I didn't worry so much and when I came back to Uni I had to go to my lectures by myself as all my mates had failed...it was good for me to start having to socialise with people I didn't know so well otherwise I wouldn't have any friends..and I hate being seen places by myself! I totally stopped worrying about going red and felt like I had almost forgotten..until I went to visit a friend at another uni and I had to meet all her new mates...I had got it into my head that as long as I'm not sitting trapped in a brightly lit up room then they would see if I was going red or not. I hate that feeling of being trapped...I can talk for hours to people on the street! Anyway, I had to meet all her mates in the kitchen in halls..and it was horrible, I met her boyfriend and I couldn't stop myself from blushing..I knew he had noticed coz he stopped trying to talk to me coz I kept having to look away coz I felt so red! Thing was we all went clubbing later and I spoke to him for ages and when we got in (even though I wasn't drinking!) and he must have thought..weird?! From then on I started worrying about what my mates thought of me in lectures as I didn't know them all that well. I got really panicky about it and started to miss lectures, which made it, ten times worse. Then I got really depressed and stopped going all together...I was avoiding going into shops, the library and anywhere in the day where I thought people I knew might be. I got really depressed and didn't go out the house much except I went clubbin a lot in the evenings which made it worse I think coz I was so tired. When I broke up for Christmas and went home I told my mum why I was so unhappy and she told me I was being silly and no-one cares if I go red...which I know I just don't want them to see it! I decided when I went back to uni I had to start going to all my lectures and get some help! I started an anxiety management group-counselling thing, which I still go to. I am going to most of my lectures now and socialising as much as I can...some days I feel fine and will talk to lots of people...other days I just walk in and talk to people if they talk to me. I worry less about going red but I still care about people seeing me blush. I think I'm improving though because with each lecture/tutorial I go to I feel better..unless I have blushed and then I feel worse! I've ordered some books to read about blushing and I've told one of my mates about it and she was very understanding, also I'm trying relaxation techniques which are quite good. Pipi Fiona's Story I'm 33 and have a quite specific, but common version of SAD - my problem is all about turning red. It's more than blushing when it happens: at its worst my face, neck and chest all go a bright mottled red, and it can take ages to subside. Although I think I have only really suffered SAD for the last 3 years or so, I now realise it all started years ago when I was first working, and for all the reasons I now understand (thanks to extensive reading of books on social anxiety disorders), I was always worried about giving presentations, in case I went red. It was never a fear of not being able to speak, or saying the wrong thing, it was always that I would go bright red, and EVERYONE WOULD NOTICE!! Then they would thing me incompetent/weird/anxious - all the usual stuff. I put up with it for years, avoiding presentations whenever I could, which was pretty easy so I never really gave it a second thought. However, about 3 years ago, things changed dramatically. This coincided with a major career change and a move back to the UK from abroad, and a period in my life when my usual (and now I see invalid) measures of personal success were no longer clear. I had given up a senior, well-paid position and a life in an exotic location to return to the UK to do something a little more useful with my life. I'll share some of the highlights (lowlights?) with you. It started when I was in a meeting with some people at work, quite senior people, including my boss. I was called into it to give my opinions on something. We started going round the table explaining our experiences with this particular thing, and I suddenly thought 'What if I go red !! Oh no!! What if it happens in meetings, as well as presentations'...? I was also very aware I had my hair back and a v-neck top on, which exposed all my face, neck and chest, and so everyone would see me go red. My heart pounded, I felt hot and sweaty and when it was my turn, it got worse, big hot flush to my face/neck, shaky hands, sweating...the works. It was, as many of you know, horrible. I was absolutely mortified. And although I actually said my piece, and it was relevant and useful judging by their reaction, my redness was all I could think of. I hid in the loo for ages and was depressed for days. What was happening to me??!! Oh well, at least, it never affected me socially. Then guess what? I was at a christening, and in my role as godmother I had to carry the baby up to the alter at the front, and stand there facing the whole congregation. What made it worse was all my boyfriend's family and friends were they're looking at me too. It was only about 10 minutes before I had to go up that I started the usual thing - suddenly thought, what if I go red, on no, not in front of everyone, they'll think me weird blah, blah, blah.....My self-fulfilling prophecy made another appearance, and there I stood feeling like a hot, sweaty, tomato. I didn't even have to say anything. Awful, awful feelings. I was fine for the rest of the day, except for hating myself for what had happened. Since then, it spread to most all areas of my life. Whenever I was going to see someone, especially a social situation, then I would worry before and during, sometimes have sleepless nights, and often go red. Then, thank God, I found the social-anxiety network and its forums. What a relief - I am not a total nutter after all! Some of the stories I have heard make me despair, I can really feel their pain and misery, and can totally relate to the feelings. I recognise of course that many people have symptoms/problems with SAD much worse than mine. But once I found DrRichards's website, I started working on myself, doing the work books, meditation, relaxation etc. Now I feel practically 95% recovered. I am well along the road to recovery. That doesn't mean I don't still go a little red at times, but it's not half as bad as before but best of all, I don't care that it happens (usually). I don't worry before and I don't obsess after. There are a few situations I can imagine would make me more nervous about it all, but there's no point worrying about things that may never happen. Day to day I generally feel fine and able to cope with life. The funny thing is that you would not ever have recognised me as a person with a SAD. Without meaning to sound big-headed, I know I am a genuinely confident, independent, outgoing, social person and I love my life. In fact I recognise I am probably the kind of person others with SAD can be somewhat intimidated by (but believe me there are plenty of people who intimidate me back!). But my experiences with SAD have touched me in the deepest ways. I think I have become a much more caring, compassionate person as a result. I try to listen more and not talk over others. I am acutely aware of other's reactions to things (most of the time). My friends/family would be totally amazed if I explained all this to them. I only ever told my boyfriend, and I wonder if this indicates one of the main problems I still need to work on - that I base my approval on other's opinions of me. However, I just don't think unless you have felt SAD you can understand what it is like. Telling them serves no real purpose. One of my roles now is that I work lecturing adults in project management (computing) for about 5 days every month, and would you believe I really enjoy it. One of the reasons I decided to do that work was to face my presentation fears, though at the time I didn't know it was SAD. But about the same time I started reading the books and doing the CBT on myself, and used the teaching to 'practice' and as part of my exposure hierarchies. Best of all I was able to get proof of my new thinking - that going red didn't matter in the least. I still got good reviews for my teaching, and no one ever commented or probably even noticed. Within about 4 months I was able to do the whole course with no anxiety, sleepless nights, or redness (or at least, redness that I worried about). This showed me that I could also overcome SAD in other areas of my life, and it had indeed a good knock-on effect. Realisation dawned that it really doesn't matter to me or anyone else if I go red - it has never affected me or my life in any negative way - the only downside is that I (used to) let it depress me, but I realised that was my conscious choice. I was the one who decided to let it bring me down and make me miserable. It's now so much easier. I decided I would never let SAD stop me doing anything. I try to look on my experiences with SAD as a sign that something was wrong about me, that my deeply held beliefs about the way and myself others judges me were invalid. SAD is good for me in many ways, in that it has helped me learn so much about me and what I want out of life, and I strongly believe I am becoming a better person - but of course am far from perfect. All this has made me determined to help other people identify if they have SAD, and then get help. I worry about the thousands of people out there who think they are going mad, when recovery is a real possibility for practically all of them, if they can get help. So if you see someone like me out and about, a seemingly confident, outgoing person with no apparent worries in the world (but maybe a little rosy cheeked), know that anyone can suffer from SAD and few people are what they seem! Underneath, many people are just as self-conscious and tentative as you are... Julie's Story Blushing, a word that we are all familiar with and for some reason most of us feel uncomfortable with this perfectly natural emotional response. Blushing is often felt by the individual concerned as a sign of weakness, but more often to the observers it can be an endearing quality that can add to the appeal of a person.I am sure we have all blushed as some stage in our life and for most people it is nothing but an uncomfortable sensation when you feel embarrassed. For some, however, this naturally occurring bodily sensation can prove to be the catalyst that starts the progression of the now well documented mental health condition, Social Anxiety Disorder ("SAD"). Some even go so far as surgery to stop the problem.As a sufferer of SAD myself, this involuntary blushing proved to be the onset of my full blow SAD, although I didn't know it at the time. Our minds are so powerful that they can either work against us or for us, with the control centre being the way we think and process our thoughts. If you think about feeling an emotional response, you are in effect turning on the switches that lead you to just that response. The more I thought about blushing and NOT wanting to do it, the more my brain turned on that emotional response. We have all been in the situation where somebody talks about, fleas for example. Yes, fleas!!! Don't you just know that we all start itching. Why, because we thought about it. The secret is to NOT CARE. It can be the most horrible thing and for some this is the most devastating part of their SAD. I was blushing frequently and feel like a right fool!I have overcome my blushing phobia by chance really. I remember reading in a book about trying to make yourself blush and when you want to you might guess, you can't! I started very slowly by trying to make myself blush in the mirror. I couldn't do it. I then tried it out on "safe people", people who did not cause me great anxiety (shopkeepers, strangers, etc.) I couldn't do it. I started to find the whole thing a little more amusing and realised that I was the one in control here, I just hadn't realised it. Why do our brains do the exact opposite I kept asking myself? Well, it doesn't, it does exactly what you sub-consciously tell it to do. Sub-consciously we are telling ourselves we cannot cope with this and we are going to make a big fool out of ourselves, so you brain thinks, yeah OK that's what you want I will do that for you., blushing coming on!The next thing that happened to me, cemented some further positive thoughts in my mind and I progressed even further. A lady I work with is constantly flushed. She is not embarrassed, it is just her natural skin tone and she flushes easily. She comments on it herself, but does not seem unduly distressed by it. I pondered over this one evening at work when she looked particularly flushed and I thought how lovely she looked, in a kind of healthy glowing way. Now being a sufferer of SAD I can be highly critical and notice many things that the majority of people would not and I realised that in no way did I see this person as weak, foolish or lacking in some way. Quite the opposite actually. Another friend of mine gets flushed through alcohol and, again, it never once crosses my mind that she looks negative in any way. This also proved to be a turning point for me. If I don't judge their appearance negatively and I am critical in what I am looking for, they why on earth would anybody judge me for looking a little flushed. Nobody really cares at all. It is no big deal to anybody else.Obviously, my blushing did not disappear overnight, but it started to come under my control. I began to think differently when I was out. I actually challenged my brain to "bring it on - go on give me a real good one" and you know they lost their sting somehow. The more I wanted them to come and enjoy the lovely warm feeling (imagery of a beach here!!) the more they eluded me. Typical. Think about how you feel when you see a person blush. Do you really think they are that bad? NO you don't. It is all in the way we view it. Try to laugh when it happens (or somewhere discreetly after) it really lessens the negative feelings. I used to laugh out loud when it happened and even though the false laughter felt uncomfortable it soon became easier and my laughing was real.Welcome your blushing with open arms "it doesn't like that"! It runs away with it's tail between it's legs...... David's Story Hi, I'm in my 41st year now, but blushing and social anxiety has affected my life for as long as I can remember. For me, blushing was always one of the worst aspects of my social anxiety, simply because it was the most visible sign of it. A lot of the time we can mask our anxieties, but when the dreaded red face descends, it makes it all so very obvious. If my SA could be described as a permanently burning fire, blushing was the equivalent of throwing petrol on it. They both created a vicious circle that was to go on to blight all aspects of my life. It's amazing how something so harmless can actually eat away at your life to the extent of reducing it to a never-ending nightmare. Like in a lot of people, I found that school was the time when I first started to encounter real problems with blushing. Even though I was SA right back into infant school, it was in early high school that the blushing really took hold and it's effects grew. It was here that I started to employ all manner of avoidance tactics. I soon become expert in this field. I've sneaked out of class in mid lesson, and then walked home just to avoid a blush inducing moment. When I knew certain blush inducing events or lessons where coming up, I'd play truant and hide in the local cemetery. The fear of blushing was so bad that when I was told I'd lose 30% of my exam marks in my English exam if I didn't do a speech on my chosen topic, I thought it was a fair trade. I willingly failed just so I didn't blush in front of my classmates. How sad is that? There were always particular pupils, especially members of the opposite sex, and also some teachers that I'd blush in front of, to the point of becoming phobic about them. In the end, my whole education was a total write-off due to blushing, avoidance and SA. At home things were not much better. I'd had a lot of problems with my dad over the years, and I used to blush terribly when he spoke to me. It really comes to something when you can't even converse with a parent without blushing. I felt like I was dying inside when this happened. I was also dreadfully phobic around my mums niece, who I'd actually know since I was a baby. She babysat me as a child and knew me all my life. She was very attractive though, so I suppose I developed a bit of a crush on her. I blushed so badly in her presence that I eventually dreaded her calling at the house. Unfortunately for me, one day she turned to me and said "why do you always go red when I talk to you? It's annoying me" This remark cut me to the bone and I felt so humiliated. She'd suffered years of depression in her past, and I somehow thought she'd understand my anxiety...but no.This poured more fuel onto my SA fire and just made my problem with blushingeven worse. In the end I'd just hide away in my room if we had visitors to the house, as I couldn't bear to blush in front of people anymore.This set the tone for my future years, where I embarked on a constant exercise of ducking and diving people and social occasions just to keep the dreaded 'red' away. It's no surprise that all this helped to create a deep lack of confidence and esteem in me. I'd failed my education, and was now failing socially too. I tried to avoid all aspects of life where I may blush, but this isolation just led to depression, frustration and bouts of self-harm. The frustration drove me potty in the end. In order to try and have some social life, I turned to drink. This killed the anxiety and I could mix without the dreaded blushing after the alcohol went to work, but in the end this dependence on alcohol led to far more problems than it ever solved.I was lucky enough to have some good relationships with girlfriends in later years, but my dread of the blush always got in the way when family occasions, Christmas, and pretty much any other social event that included more than just the two of us came up. This caused numerous problems over the years, and has done until recent times too. I've been known to create an argument with someone before an event, just to manufacture a reason not to go. Just another avoidance tactic I suppose.In my case a blush can range anywhere from just going red, to going beetrootred with severe sweating, shaking hands, and heart palpitations. It can develop into a full panic attack where I have had to flee the room. In the early 1980s I had this happen at the hairdressers when I went for a cut. It left me so traumatised that I've cut my own hair for 20 years or so now. All the jobs I've ever had have been affected by my blushing or by my fear of blushing. I quit my first job after 4 hours due to this very reason. I got stressed and blushed for England...they couldn't see me for dust as I jumped on my bike and fled, never to return. Being instructed on how to do a job was like a fate worse than death. I'd always seek the background, so consequently I never learned much and certainly never excelled at anything. Ducking and diving became a way of life, and the fear of blushing motivated everything I did...or didn't do.In one job I had to operate a machine that was up off the floor. I had to stand on a wooden platform to operate it, so I was highly visible to the room full of women workers sat at their tables all around me. If anyone spoke to me then all eyes would turn in my direction. I felt so vulnerable and filled with dread. Once a blush took hold I had to shoot off to the toilets to compose myself again. The strain certainly took its toll though. I'd often feel sick and just want to die. In some work situations, I felt I'd rather die than carry on, but I always seemed to manage to just scrape through and survive through careful avoidance giving me just enough breathing space. In my last job I was a home care worker for 7 years. Initially I loved this job but SA, and in particular its most visible sign in my case -the dreaded blush- eroded all my confidence and love of the work. I could fill a website with blush stories in this job, but it's enough to say that when you can't talk to doctors, nurses, colleagues, social workers etc... without turning into a big strawberry jelly in front of them, things are bad. One day I simply disintegrated into a strawberry coloured sweaty mess in front of a client's speech therapist. This just couldn't go on anymore, it was affecting my ability to do my job, and indirectly my client's well being. I was avoiding training courses too, so I was eventually endangering my clients. Something had to give, and eventually it did...my mental health. I quit the job and went off sick. It was the blushing, which tipped my anxiety over the edge. I'd lived with SA all my life and learned to hide much of it, but you just can't hide a blush.I seriously contemplated suicide at this point, and even went as far as to plan it and get my affairs in some sort of order. One day though I just went to the beach in my car with a pen and pad, I drew two columns, one to list reasons to live and one to list reasons to die. Amazingly I decided I had more reasons to carry on. April 2002 was the turning point in my life. From that moment on I decided never again to contemplate suicide or self-harm. I would beat this blushing by any means I could. In the past I'd tried hypnotherapy, meditation, auto-psychology, counselling, relaxation, alcohol and self-help books with only limited success so I was short of options and inspiration. Out of the blue though I stumbled across two things, which were about to change my life. 1. A story of a nurse whose life and career was being crippled by blushing,who went on to have the ETS operation and felt as if this had "cured" her ofthis problem. 2. A story of a new drug in trials, which was being aimed at SA. There was a woman who related her story of success on this drug whilst using it in clinical trials. It was later named as Cipralex (escitalopram). These stories gave me the hope I needed just at the crucial time. I researched the ETS operation on the internet, then armed with my new information I went to see my GP. I asked to be put on Cipralex as soon as it was approved and marketed, and I requested the ETS operation. She was happy with the Cipralex idea, but less so over the ETS, simply as it is such an extreme step to take. She could see my desperation and determination though, and agreed to find me a surgeon if I took counselling in the meantime. A fair deal I thought.The first surgeon I saw on the NHS does ETS for excessive sweating of the hands, feet and underarms, but had no experience of cutting as high up the sympathetic nerve chain as is needed to deal with facial blushing. Due to his lack of experience he decided not to put my health at risk, possibly leaving me with Horner's syndrome. He promised to find me another surgeon with the relevant experience within 2 months. He was as good as his word, and I received a letter to go for a consultation with an NHS surgeon.Before our meeting though, I'd done far more research into the ETS operation and had become very scared of the possible side-effects such as severe compensatory sweating, Horner's, no sweating and a lack of skin oils above the nipple line, etc...... I'd also started on the new drug Cipralex by now, and after a bumpy start I was starting to feel good in myself. I was still blushing, but I didn't care half as much as I did before. I was also using the cognitive therapy approach to view my blush in a different and less threatening way. I was putting less importance on the blush, so it was starting to lose its grip and power over me. The consultation with the surgeon went really well. I told him how I was feeling about things now, and he assured me I could have the ETS possibly within 1 year on the NHS if I still wanted it. He went on to say that as I was having a degree of success with my positive thinking and my medication was a good sign and the decision was up to me. He also explained how blushing is a cycle and the key to dealing with it is to break that cycle. ETS is the last resort as far as tools to break that cycle are concerned. If CBT can do it..then great. If medication can do it...then great, but if you need both that's fine too. For some ETS may be the last but eventually only resort in their eyes. All things considered I declined ETS with the understanding I can still have it at a later date if necessary. I made what I consider personally to be a wise choice in hindsight. Using the CBT approach has worked wonders for me, and Cipralex has dealt with much of the anxiety and all of the depression. I now realise that a blush cannot harm me, only my attitude towards it can. I still blush...some habits die hard, but I just think..so what? now. Maybe I'll always blush, but if I don't care about it then it can't really affect me too much. I've never had proper CBT, but I've pinched a lot of ideas from books. When I believed that my blushing was a massive issue...it became just that, so now I choose to believe it's a tiny issue...and blow me! It's beginning to feel a hell of a lot smaller too. I'm so glad I didn't have ETS because I truly believe it is the last resort now. These days I'd say try everything else first before considering it. I firmly believe that CBT is the way forward on this issue. Due to my blushing and SA, education, classrooms and groups of people have caused me major problems over the years, but for the first time in 24 years I have managed to overcome the SA and blushing enough to walk into a college classroom where I'm now in training to become a counsellor myself. It's not easy for me, I still blush and I may yet fall flat on my face, but I've made more progress in this last year than I ever did in the previous 39. This proves to me that anyone can improve with these issues. If I can do it then so can you. We all can. We can come to terms with, and move on from our blushing problems. What we have to do is find whatever breaks the cycle within us as individuals. For me it was the CBT approach and the cipralex. It helped me learn not to care if I blush, and that robs the blush of its hold over me. When it finally gets the message that it can't bother me anymore, maybe it'll leave me alone.There is hope, and I wish all fellow blushers luck in finding whatever it takes to break the cycle in them. It's been a long and bumpy road for me, but thanks to my GP, my counsellors, Cipralex, the CBT approach and a willingness to change...I now know I'm finally on the right road. David. Kathleens's Story Although I have been shy all my life and was always known for this (I even received a mock Oscar at my secondary school leaving do for being 'the person who had not talked for five years) In hindsight, I can see that I was always going to be a prime candidate to go on to develop full blown social anxiety in adulthood but I did not develop problems with blushing until I was a teenager. This was probably, largely as a result of my becoming more 'aware' of the opposite sex, with it all suddenly being an issue and all the associated comments and jokes about people 'fancying' each other and being shy I attracted my fair share of mockers. I found it difficult to interact with boys at all and when I did usually went bright red, particularly round those I was attracted to or intimidated by. The usual schoolyard taunts about my blushing and quietness didn't help matters, and such comments along with incidents like one of my college tutors wafting my face with his notes during a one to one tutorial I had with him paved the way for my self consciousness and shyness to develop into my future full blown social anxiety related blushing. I had never interacted much as a child and it became virtually impossible in my teenage years and is still difficult to this day. I had thought I would grow out of it but the problem has seemed to get worse with age (I'm now 26) as my avoidance and negative thinking regarding blushing have grown considerably. When I was younger I didn't talk much in school for fear of being ridiculed about what I was saying or not wanting to draw attention to myself. When I did speak my self-consciousness caused me to speak quietly or mumble and people would either not hear me or ask me to repeat myself which would make me feel even more self-conscious and wish I had kept quiet. I do still tend to do this somewhat but it is more manageable and I realise that most people speak quietly from time to time. I have never liked being the centre of attention and having experienced more general blushing phobia when talking in groups etc. I have experienced more specific blushing fears in adulthood around members of the opposite sex in general (more so with physically attractive individuals), anyone of either sex in authority or anyone that I admire (for whatever reason). This is because I value the persons opinion in some form or other and am worried that may make negative assumptions about me if I blush. I don't have blushing worries around strangers much as their opinion does not matter to me - I won't have to see them again so they will have no bearing on my life. Whilst I feel the problem did seem to subside somewhat in my late teens it has never really gone away. There is always seems to be someone in any social situation that I am trying to avoid at all costs for fear of blushing around them. The longer I am in a work or study environment, the more paranoid I get around the people there. This has made it very difficult for me to form new friendships or any sort of relationships. The problem (along with other irrational social anxiety related phobias) has also caused me to drop out or courses of study and employment on various occasions and it has become so severe and I still haven't (prior to my current position) been able to hold down a permanent job for longer than 8 months because of it and up until now I have been unable to support myself sufficiently as a result. However, I have been in my current job for coming up to eight months again now and am hoping to continue beyond this period and I do feel I am now making progress. Since I have started to recognise the problem more in recent years and look for ways to overcome it and address it properly I have made significant improvements and learned to take a different mental attitude towards the problem. Things are finally beginning to look up. I have tried a number of strategies and treatments in order to overcome my social anxiety related blushing and I feel they have all been beneficial in some way and have had a kind of cumulative effect in my improvement. Initially, I tried hypnosis tapes to increase my self-confidence and I found these were very helpful as long as I kept the practice up and I feel they did play a large part in my successful return to university after initially dropping out the prior year do to a combination of blushing related social anxiety and other specific SA fears. I also tried medications (specifically Seroxat), which did help me recover sufficiently to try therapy after I had experienced a period of agoraphobia towards the end of my degree. In recent years through a combination of self-help books/tapes, exercise and relaxation techniques I have been able to overcome my blushing worries to a degree but I know I still have a long way to go. I have also taken up yoga which I find helps both as a distraction and as an overall more well balanced view mentally along with the more obvious physical benefits. Finding SA-UK and the friendships and support I gained from here, have also proved invaluable. Just talking to others who understood gave me the confidence and support I needed to believe in myself more and begin to tackle my fears more effectively. I would say however, that the most beneficial of all the treatments I have sought has been CBT, as this has taught me to recognise my underlying negative and irrational thinking and to try to break out of the avoidance patterns I had become accustomed to. I've learned to question how others actually perceive blushing and take an overall more rational and objective view of it. I have been working consistently for over a year now, being in my current position six months, after being out of work for nearly 2 years. I do find I still have blushing fears, but the fears have less of a hold on me and as I have learned to cope with them and take a more rational view and I am less likely to run away, knowing that it will only make the problem worse in the long run and repeat and further my avoidance patterns of the past.Although I would say the blushing worries are more manageable now, I know there is always the possibility of them re-emerging if I allow myself to think in certain ways and I think they always will be to a degree; but I at least know now what strategies help and that with effort I can get better. Its hard fighting the irrational worry on a day to day basis, after years of feeling that everyone thinks you are strange for blushing, and the constant thought of 'Oh no, I'm going to blush' forever floating around at the back of your mind; but I am confident that I am getting better. I am hopeful that one day, in the not too distant future, that I will feel my blushing is something that just happens from time to time quite naturally, as it does for many people, and that it isn't anything to be ashamed of or obsess about and doesn't say anything negative to others about me as a person. Maybe, in some way, my admitting all this in a sort of public way is another step in the right direction as I never have done up until now. Good luck everyone in overcoming this problem, there IS hope for us all to be able to lead the lives we deserve without the dreaded and frustrating fear of blushing holding us back. Trust me, if I can begin to get better, anyone can! Take care, Kathleen Jayne's Story I am not 100% sure when it all started. Going to an all-girls school and having no brothers, I was always very shy with the opposite sex. The fact that I have got red hair with a pinkish complexion means that I have the type of colouring to go red more easily. Although it bothered me to some extent, the blushing really started to "get in the way" by my early 20's. To people looking on I suppose I come across as confident and outgoing but on the inside I lack some confidence in myself and tend to focus on my negative rather than positive attributes. The blushing gradually got worse during my 20's. I moved to London and pushed myself amongst some very high achievers and looking back I continually compared myself to others whether it be intelligence, looks or generally having their "life together". My parents divorced when I was about seven years old, my mum left home for a while - she felt it was best to leave us in our home environment. She has since told me that my father fought for custody in order to keep the house. My mother, of course, had been wrong in having an affair in the first place. She has told me that my father used to hit her. I don't blame either of them now but I have gone through hostile feelings towards both my parents. I feel I was the adult in the family trying to take responsibility for everybody's happiness and fighting a loosing battle. I think it is why I became such a people pleaser - I still am, even now, but to a lesser extent. I don't really feel that either of my parents has grown up completely. They still don't talk to each other. However, on a more positive note I now feel I have moved on and do not feel anger towards them. Anyway, back to the blushing. I would definitely blush at certain situations or people. With certain people I would not blush at all, however, with others I would blush very easily whenever they came near me - usually men versus women. With regards to situations that make me blush, it would normally be if the focus was on me. I have read alot about blushing and anxiety and now I realise that I got into a "pattern" of blushing in certain situations. The worry leading up to the situation would pretty well guarantee that I was going to blush anyway.I have always been quite a hyperactive person, constantly on the go - I take after my mum really. Things had to change.The really serious stuff started about 11/2 years ago, about a year after I had started working in "front line" recruitment. People think recruitment is all about people but, in fact, it is very sales-orientated with a "people" content, constantly selling to the client as well as the candidate. Prior to recruitment I had worked in PA/secretarial roles but always felt I wanted to "achieve more". (I put "achieve more" in brackets because I now know it doesn't really matter what you do so long as it makes you happy and it is within your capabilities.) I had got it into my head that a secretarial role was not a "professional" role (I think this was partly due to the fact that I felt my father had never really acknowledged any job I had done - I felt he saw secretarial work as second class compared to, for example, my step-sisters who are both doctors). I started in a new recruitment company in a "front-line" role and set up a new desk. This involved going out and finding new clients, interviewing the candidates and making the match. I am a complete perfectionist in the workplace and set myself ridiculously high standards which are almost impossible to maintain. I often found going to see clients like an emotional rollercoaster. I would get quite worked up before going to see a prospective client. If I did blush I would beat myself up about it and wonder how credible I had come across. Looking back most clients probably didn't even notice but I worked myself up into such a lather - such wasted energy when I look back. I did very well in this job and was top consultant, which was gladly recognised by my bosses. I have always sought approval from parents, bosses, boyfriends and friends alike. I proceeded to work long hours too and started to run myself into the ground. What came next was the most difficult year of my life. I had started making some decent money, which enabled me to buy a London flat. This was, of course, a good thing but it meant that my disposable income had gone right down. The combination of high stress levels at work and very little cash meant that I was getting more and more stressed and anxious.By November 2000 I started to feel very tense all the time. I absolutely hated going on the tube and I soon realised I had developed a bit of a phobia and felt very self-conscious of people looking at me. As time went on my body would sweat profusely, some mornings my under-arms and back felt drenched by the time I got into work. Not a very nice way to start the day. Soon enough I was blushing on the tube on an almost daily basis and feeling very uncomfortable and worn out by the end of the day having got myself so anxious. Some days though, if I was having a particularly good day in the office and had just made a placement, I would feel less conscious of myself and less likely to blush. My blushing and anxiety did seem to be linked to how I saw myself achieving. Over the next 2-3 months I think I suffered a mini breakdown though I managed to keep going on the work front. I refused to give up! Looking back all I was really doing was damaging my whole nervous system. An old boss invited me to go and work for her in St Albans so I bought a car, which added further to the financial strain though it meant I could avoid the tube except for the odd client visit into town. However, in this new recruitment role I was interviewing more senior people and so was stretching myself even further. The blushing seemed to subside but the anxiety got worse. I even started to get chest pains. Once again, despite the warning signs I would not give up in recruitment. What then proceeded to set in, I have since learnt from the many books I have read, is generalised anxiety disorder. Blushing did not seem to be such a problem by now. In place of the blushing I was generally very "agitated" and my body would sweat. I would say that I have always had some form of "social phobia" in my adult life having worried about people judging me on meeting them for the first time. I met my boyfriend in July 2001 and it was initially difficult for me at times to hide my anxiety. I gradually opened up to him and he has been extremely supportive to me. I feel very lucky. In November last year I sold my flat and moved to Surrey. For the first month or so my Generalised Anxiety Disorder was still acute. In the knowledge that I had changed my lifestyle drastically and still had the anxiety, I went to see my GP. He was very understanding and prescribed me Seroxat (Paroxetine), an anti-anxiety drug. I felt in some ways that I had "given in" but I think that I needed something to help me get on the right track. I still have GAD but it is getting better all the time. I have some days, which are worse than others, and something small might trigger it off. One of the symptoms which has manifested itself is a tingling of my skin. My body tends to get very hot when I am in uncomfortable situations or feel anxious. I think this tends to dry my skin and I then get a form of rash. I think I may have developed a very mild form of psoriasis - I am not too sure - when I have less anxious periods it does seem to disappear so it is obviously connected in some way. I do believe that my excessive blushing and, more to the point, phobia about blushing, turned into social phobia which, in turn, developed into GAD (combined with me putting myself under extreme pressure). The worst thing I did was to ignore my symptoms for so long. I now see that the longer I put up with the stress, the longer it will now take for me to get better.Over the past year I have had hypnotherapy, acupuncture and taken up yoga. The hypnotherapy and acupuncture were excellent but a little too expensive for me to maintain at the time. I don't think I could have done it without the medication. I now try to maintain a quieter lifestyle so that I can get better and gradually come off the medication. I am pretty good at hiding my anxiety though sometimes it does show. I think that daily yoga really helps, lots of sleep and a balanced diet are also very important. I do still have GAD but I feel I will get there in the end. I do yoga on a daily basis and am much more realistic about what I can achieve. I would also like to start doing some meditation. I do believe there is something good to come out of something bad. My blushing and subsequent GAD has forced me to re-evaluate my lifestyle - I allow time for myself now - something I never used to do. I think the answer to blushing is to improve the way you feel about yourself. You should look after yourself, make time for relaxation and try to accept that everyone has different qualities to offer. I would definitely recommend yoga and meditation as a way of finding inner peace though, of course, everyone is different as to how they could go about accepting themselves more. I have read a number of books about anxiety and, in particular, I found The Social and Anxiety Workbook which is in the NPS booklist very beneficial. Good luck and I hope my story has helped you to see that there are alot of people in the same boat.

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